Rape Culture

The University of Vermont has suspended their chapter of Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity while campus police investigate a survey that was allegedly passed among fraternity members.

The survey asked, "If you could rape someone, who would it be?"

Well. Isn't that lovely.

The word "rape" is one of those words that has somehow worked its way into normal conversation with little regard to its original meaning. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say the phrase "mind rape", for example, referring to seeing or experiencing something that was offensive to them, and therefore equatable with rape. Or any time some new movie comes out that's an adaptation of a cartoon from the 80s, someone I know inevitably says, "I wish Hollywood would stop raping my childhood".

They seem to think there's nothing wrong with using that word that way. Like it's funny to say your childhood is being raped, or you feel your mind has been raped.

Except that rape is never, ever funny.

And a survey like that, that uses the word "rape" so casually, is only contributing more to rape culture.

So what is rape culture? Good question! I'm glad you asked. I'm going to let Shakesville explain it. Go get a snack or something, it's a long read. But you need to read all of it.

Okay, you got all that? It's a lot to take in.

Now think about how often you see or hear or read something that is contributing to rape culture. Probably every day, whether you realize it or not. I certainly didn't realize it before I became serious about feminism. I am ashamed to admit that, at one point in my life, I was a victim-blamer. I didn't understand how a woman could be upset that she was raped if she'd worn a short skirt or walked alone in the dark or had too much to drink.

But none of that matters. Because rape is rape, and it doesn't matter that her skirt was short or that she was on her phone while walking to her car, or that she drank too much, or that she changed her mind in the middle of sex.

We teach our daughters, "Don't get raped. Be safe. Be cautious." We teach them to fear men, to fear certain situations, to be wary and fearful.

It's exhausting being a woman. Do men live with the shadow of rape over their heads? We do. We live every day knowing that 1 out of 6 women are raped in their lifetimes. That every one of us is equally likely to be raped, that there's no one thing we can do to prevent it.

We teach our daughters "Don't get raped", but we don't teach our sons "Don't rape".

I don't know who said that originally. But it's true. Women live their lives trying to prevent themselves from becoming victims, but men don't live their lives trying to keep themselves from becoming rapists.